Martha Coakley Runs for Neighborhood Activities Chair, Loses

This Tuesday, despite spending millions of dollars campaigning, Martha Coakley lost in another close election in Medford, Massachusetts. After all of the ballots were collected in an old baseball hat, the Medford Neighborhood Activities Council announced the results to the half-filled room of voters.
The ex-Democratic Gubernatorial Nominee ran unopposed, losing to write in candidate Tim the Turtle 35-27. “We told some people to write-in Tim as a joke,” said Tim’s owner Nancy, “I guess a lot of people found Tim a more appealing candidate.” Tim the Turtle declined to comment, deciding instead to chew on a blade of grass.
Coakley, who famously lost two elections as a Democratic candidate in Massachusetts, utilized door-to-door campaigning, five separate campaign attack ads, and free lawn signs for all supporters. “I was surprised,” said one Medford resident, “I didn’t know there was a Neighborhood Activities Committee in Medford.”
Some campaign experts noted that Coakley seemed unenthusiastic and rather irritating. “I didn’t realize I had an opinion about Neighborhood Activities,” noted Jim Smith, a Tim the Turtle voter. “But once I heard Coakley speak, I just didn’t want her to win.” Even Coakley’s supporters, a couple high schoolers and college students, seemed tired and resigned. Though eager and committed to the Neighborhood Activities Committee, none of them had voted for Coakley on election day.
Following the release of results on Tuesday night, Martha Coakley gave a speech thanking her 27 supporters, including two of her family members. Coakley avoided discussing her sister, who, after hearing Coakley’s final campaign speech, voted for Tim the Turtle. When asked what she planned to do next, Coakley replied “Well, the DNC’s been talking to me about 2016. . . “
Image source: Wikimedia